This BLOWS!!!! Seriously.

Sorry it has been a few days since my last post, but I have been diligently praying to the Porcelain Gods for the last 5 days. I think I have been in the same PJ's for 3 days now and just to be safe I am typing with a trash can right next to me. Better safe than sorry I say. I had actually thought I was in the clear the first couple of weeks but I was highly mistaken. Morning sickness (which is also bullshit, cause it's ALL DAY sickness) creeps up on you right when you think you're ahead of the game. Of course this would happen to me! See if you don't know me real well, I have to inform you of something called a Rachel-ism. A Rachel-ism is a circumstance or instance that if something can happen it will. To me. This directly involves, and is not limited to, well, EVERYTHING.

For Example: A Rachel-ism would involve not just nausea and vomiting, but explosive diarrhea too, right? RIGHT. Why not? Who doesn't want to spend their day swapping their face and ass out of the same spot every 20 minutes? SIGN ME UP!

I wanted to ask around about this "common problem"to see what people say. I thought you might be entertained by some of the reasons I have heard over the last couple of days as to why I am so sick.

Mom said, "Hunny, it's how you know your baby is healthy. Your placenta is rapidly growing and all the hormones give nausea you explosive ass."--Classic.

Grama said, "OHHHHHH you're gonna have a hairy baby!!" --WHAT?

Brother said, "It's cause you're fat, and it's your body's way of saying it's tired of you making it fat". --Logical.

My girlfriend said, "You just need to stay active, it will help."-- Thanks bitch, but I can barely drag my ass out of bed to puke my pretty little brains out and you want me to be active? Go fuck yourself.

Another Girlfriend texted me, "Don't worry, you'll be glowing in no time"--Puta, the only thing glowing are the beads of sweat on my upper lip and forehead from hanging on to the toilet for dear life.

I guess out of everything said, Ill go with Gramas being the most accurate. The only thing that could possibly make me this sick is if I was creating a little Chubacka. Thanks Grammie, you're always right on point!

Stay tuned...